Book Review: Doctor Grordbort’s Contrapulatronic Dingus Directory

As reviewed by a humorless Smith & Wesson 9mm semi-automatic handgun.

Let’s get one thing straight: I don’t like to read. I’m a handgun, after all. I shoot things, preferably people. (Only bad people, of course.) So when I was asked to give a review for the book, Doctor Grordort’s Contrapulatronic Dingus Directory, I was somewhat offended.

For one thing, there’s a raygun on the cover. A raygun. I know most of you reading this would like to think that rayguns are real, but I can assure you they are not. I am real. Which is why I’m writing this review, and not some pretend steampunk contraption.

Speaking of steampunk contraptions, the book is crammed with them. You’d have to be some kind of geek to like the myriad gadgets, gizmos, and get-ups that fill these full-color, glossy cardstock pages. And the names of these inventions? You can hardly take them seriously: Bifurnilizers, Manmelters, Combustimicators, Posteriotrons, Aether Exciters. They’re newfangled, I tell you. I’ll stick with the old fangles, thank you very much.

Granted, the imaginative illustrations are superb, and the writing is decidedly witty and enthralling. (Not my cup of tea). At a mere 32 pages, it would seem short but for the hours I spent poring over every word and image. (Strictly for this review, mind you.) After all, it looks like a catalog but reads like a fantasy novel. How can that be fun or interesting?

Bilge, the lot of it. I mean, get a load of some of the phrases found in the book: “Contrivances to enlighten or disintegrate,” “the rigours of Martian manhandling,” “wonders of modern boffinry,” and, my personal un-favorite, “by golly, by hokey.”

Dingus Directory, indeed.

I suppose if you’re remotely interested in alternative adventure, science fiction, and “luminiferous” steampunk gadgets, then this book should be at the top of your wish list. But if you, like me, think the only thing paper is good for is target practice, then steer clear of Doctor Grordbort (lest he “manmelt” you with his “sub-atomic infra-wave reverbulations”).

And if you ever make me review a book like this again, just shoot me. No pun intended.

Doctor Grordbort’s Contrapulatronic Dingus Directory

Written and illustrated by Greg Broadmore

Published by Dark Horse Comics and Weta New Zealand

Hardcover, 32 pages

Available here